This past week on my way downtown, Eddie and I were in a car accident.  Yes, we’re ok; No, it wasn’t my fault.  The person is front of us decided that a green light on a busy street during rush hour was a perfect place to come to a sudden stop and let his bro out of the car.  I followed suit and stopped my vehicle as well.  The woman behind me, attempting to use mind over matter to move our cars out of the way, proceeded to plow into us at 40 miles per hour. The woman, who had a failed theory that if she acted oblivious to how car accidents are handled she wouldn’t be found liable for the damage, proceeded to inform me how she couldn’t wait until the other driver’s insurance paid for all the damage.

The next morning I woke up with a slight tenderness in my neck.  This put a pretty big damper on my day.  It hurt to turn my head while driving, it was hard to play Xbox Kinect, and most importantly, it was extremely hard to convey sarcasm and disgust via subtle head rolls.

In an effort to alleviate some of the pain, I went to the drug store to buy a heating pad.  It became evidently clear to me who buys heating pads and who they’re marketed to.  Spoiler: Not Men.  Every single heating pad had a picture of a woman lounging around, and in giant letters announced “GREAT FOR MENTSRUAL CRAMPS” on the box.  This to me seems like a main reason men aren’t buying heating pads.  We need more masculine heating pads tailored towards men.  Here are just a few of my suggestions:

  • Jersey Shore endorsed heating pad: BroHeat – great for any situation
  • TrumpHeat: “The heating pad industry is a billion dollar industry and my heating pad is the BEST.  Just ask my good friend Usain Bolt” – Donald Trump
  • Gay market appeal David Beckham endorsed – Heat it like Beckham – The most relaxed you can get without David himself massaging your shoulders

The marketing possibilities are endless, no, literally, men will buy anything as long as you convince them its masculine and they need it.